A powerful strategy for helping kids listen

Using play to build connection and cooperation.

Here’s a powerful strategy for encouraging cooperative and listening in young children that you might not expect: Play. But not just any play — “special playtime.” This is a structured approach where the caregiver gives their full attention to the child as they play, while using positive communication skills. The caregiver avoids asking questions, like “what are you making?”, and instead uses description (like, “you put the blue block on the red block”) or imitation (like pushing a train on the track when the child is also pushing a train on the track).

The caregiver also avoids giving directions (like saying, “let’s make the dolls have a tea party!”) or offering corrections (“don’t put that there!”) and instead follows the child’s lead. This may feel counterintuitive at first, but it helps children feel seen and heard, which will make them feel more connected and “tuned in” to you.

Following these steps can often be hard for caregivers — we often have ideas in our head about how play is supposed to look — but you can view this as a chance to be curious about your child and observe what they enjoy during play.

Special playtime builds connection, emotional regulation, and cooperation. The best time to start doing this is actually before behavior challenges arise!

Want to try it out? This one-pager offers a quick overview, and this guide from the CDS goes into even more depth.